In light of the fact that there have been two incidents that have been reported in Aurora this week about incidents of possible "stranger danger", I thought that this would be a good time for some tips on how to talk with your children about these issues. Please know that I really don't know anything more than you do about what happened, other than the fact that there were incidents of possible Stranger Danger. My opinion is that in these situations the best defense is information for our children and knowledge and awareness for the community. I trust that the police officers will investigate these situations and handle them however necessary.
Talking with our children about big issues is never very easy. When the topic is stranger danger it can be downright terrifying. Sometimes it is easier to just ignore issues and hope they never happen, sometimes whatever we say feels inadequate and we are overcome with worry. Sometimes talking over the possible scenarios can make everyone extra anxious for a few days. Regardless, the discussion is an important one.
To begin, it is important to know that the terminology is easing away from "stranger danger". The reason for this is because, unfortunately, there are far too many cases where abuse or inappropriate behavior involves someone who ISN'T a stranger. So when you talk to your children, remind them to stay away from people they don't know and give them the steps of what to do, but also remind them that if they EVER feel uncomfortable in any situation with anyone they need to talk with a trusted adult immediately.
Further, teach your children the difference between "good" strangers vs. "bad". In a situation where a child gets lost or needs help, it can be very scary looking around and seeing only strangers. Teach them that the "good" strangers that can help are police officers, firefighters, teachers, store clerks and people in authority. If none of these is immediately available, the best person to go to next is a mom with kids. Obviously the "bad" strangers are anyone else, or anyone that tries to talk with them when they are walking home from school. People that try to get them in their car, or try to give them something when they are outside playing.
After having these discussions, do some role playing with your child. Pretend to be someone who is trying to get them into their car. Walk up to them and tell them that their mom said that they needed to take the kid home immediately. Ask them to help you find a puppy. In all situations, make sure to stay in the mode of acting like a stranger. One thing I did when my kids were smaller was I would arrange a "door danger" test with my friends. We would set a time for them to come over and ring the doorbell while I was in the shower. Usually I asked a friend who had a husband my children didn't know. It terrified me how often my kids opened the door until they finally learned not to. Have your children practice screaming and shouting and thrashing around to get away. Walk the neighborhood and point out houses of people you know so your kids know where to run if they need to.
Other tips:
*Have a "safe word". Your children will know that you will NEVER ask someone to pick them up or give them a ride without a safe word, even if they know the person. That way, if someone says there was an accident and they will take your children to you, they know not to go with them unless they have the safe word.
*Call your local martial arts location to see if they have self-defenses courses for kids. Some even have a weekend course for free!
*Tell your children to ALWAYS walk with others in a group. It is a rule, not an exception.
*Reinforce that they are never EVER to talk to strangers or get close to them. Even at school if a stranger comes up to the fence to give a stray ball back, they can throw it. There is never a reason to get close.
*Scream "THIS IS NOT MY MOM/DAD" if someone tries to approach them.
*Teach them to always be aware of their surroundings. Take a walk with them and comment on things you see
to show them what you mean.
*Most importantly, tell them to ALWAYS trust their instinct. In this world, manners are important but safety is more important and any safe adult will not question if a child walks away or doesn't help them.
Finally, know that their school will probably address the issue of safety at some point, but never rely on this. It is much better for children to get the same information from multiple sources so it becomes common knowledge rather than an over-protective mom talking. Be sure to talk to them, and don't just do it once.
